I knew it wouldn't be forever.
I feel like every time I go to make a tearful phone call or send a message that I'm bothering people and I don't want to do that, either.
"You can't go through your life without the happy things because you're scared of the bad things. The bad things will always come....but I would rather be hurting as bad as I have than to ever give up the things that completed me and made me smile. If they gave me a time machine and told me to go back and choose the people in my life again, knowing I'd lose them? I'd choose every single one again. Remember that."
The mind is a terrible thing to waste away in.
I have zero desire to change other people. I have zero need to be at anything but a small level in the aforementioned background for the people around me. I like sharing moments with the people I love and care about - don't get me wrong here - but the desire to be present is always trumped by wanting the people I care about to be happy. Always. 100% always.
I miss having someone in the empty spaces of my life.
I pushed through it, though. I told myself to breathe, to put one foot in front of the other one, and to claw my way back up out of the hole. You see...despite the twists and the going round and round and round...I know that I am still creating my legacy. Regardless of the pain and loss, I'm still standing. I'm still clawing my way back up when I fall. I'm still getting up and letting Life happen. It has to.
I don't know how to stop it, either. I don't know if it's worth stopping. I don't know if I'm worth it to try.
I'm still finding myself. I'm still finding my happiness. I'm still re-igniting my core. And I will get where I'm supposed to go as soon as I figure out what "supposed to" looks like.