Then there are days when I'm not even sure I'm real. I look in the mirror at myself and wonder who the woman is staring back at me because she looks and feels older, sadder, and more broken than I could have ever pictured myself being. It can't be me. Six months ago, I was happy - laughing every day, smiling every day, cooking, cleaning, working, talking, touching, BEING with him in every sense of the word. And now..its like staring into a black pond and knowing you have to reach in but not wanting to know what you'll find.