A bowl of ingredients is just that until you stir it and bake it in the oven, right?
Recently, a reader saw my blog and the multitude of posts about Alex and myself together. They gave me the same platitudes that almost every one else does, spoke highly of the relationship we’d managed to build, talked about how amazing Alex sounded and how they wished they’d gotten a chance to meet him. I smiled, nodded my head, satisfied that I’d done Alex some form of justice by his memory living on with me.
“I have a question though. Take it for what it is, I’m just curious: Who are you?”
I sat there dumbfounded for a few minutes before asking what they meant so I could answer them properly. It was like that scene out of Anger Management where Jack Nicholson’s character is asking Adam Sandler to describe who he is and Adam Sandler rattles off his life’s accomplishments before Jack stops him and says “Those things are what you do. Tell me who you are”. Adam Sandler’s character then gets frustrated and finally blows his top saying that those things ARE who he is, but he’d obviously missed the point somewhere as Jack writes down several things in his notebook with a disapproving face.
In this case, the person asking wanted to know what made me. Who ARE YOU Sara? Not just who WAS Alex and Sara. How do you Make a Sara?
I told them I’d have to get back to them on that. This blog post is somewhat my response.
Start with music – lots of music. All kinds of music. Not techno or house or anything like that, though. Skip the screamo too. Add in singing, dancing, playing the clarinet, and talking about the meaning of lyrics with a dash of being head over heels for Corey Taylor and AJ Mclean’s voices (I love the Backstreet Boys as a whole, don’t get me wrong, KTBSPA and all).
Next, add in a love for old houses – especially old Victorians. A love for small towns, road trips, choosing a random direction and just GOing without any real rhyme or reason. Explore old cemeteries, find a random grave and try to imagine what that person was like in life, see if you can hear the secrets that souls are sometimes so willing to share there.
Ghost hunts. Ghost investigations. Paranormal walks and talks. Real crime walks and talks. Show me an area’s deepest, darkest secrets.
There’s a large amount of love for talking with people – though you’d never know it because its coupled with a heaping dose of being quiet and contemplative. Tell me YOUR deepest and darkest secrets and they won’t go anywhere. Tell me what you love, tell me what you’re passionate about, tell me what makes you weak in the knees and the things that make you proudest of yourself. That will make me love you.
The largest ingredients you will need are patience, love, and loyalty. I love the people I care about fiercely and with all of my heart and soul. I don’t think I can stress that enough. If I care about you, I’ll bend over backward for you.
Weather really makes this recipe: throw in a bunch of dancing in thunderstorms, running through a fog bank, playing in the snow, and standing outside to feel the wind whipping my hair against my face while the sheer beauty of its power radiates around me.
I love to work. It sounds stupid, but its true. Throw in the passion and drive to help others and you really have what the core of a Sara is. I’m protective of the people I serve – both family and friends and otherwise.
I love to cook and I love to research weird topics. I LOVE Halloween and Christmas. I find magic wherever I can and make magic whenever I can. I love naps and cuddling, watching scary movies, and getting lost in a moment with another person.
I’m strong. I know I’m strong. I’m strong to a fault sometimes. I push through when others think I will fall and I persevere where others would crumble. I am very aware of that now.
And I suppose that’s just where you start….I’m a Wife/Widow, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Niece, Cousin, and Friend before I am anything else and I wouldn’t change me for the world.
I don’t suggest putting me in the oven though. Chances are good you don’t have one big enough anyway :p